Let me be ME

Archive for the ‘life goals’ Category

LifeCycle of “Like”

I met somebody a few days back, supposedly the one who can look right inside you. It’s scary because the layers that you managed to keep for long are now exposed, you feel naked. But we terminated our conversation with a thought of “What I want .”
Ok, so you are asking a woman what she wants. The most learned people have failed to answer this question what will my tiny brain do? He was triggering the most intricate, unpredictable and complicated thing – a woman’s brain.
Before I could think, “what I want,” my mind wandered and thought hard for “What I like ”
Again, a tricky business. My likes have changed so much since childhood that if I start thinking what I like I’ll need a century to figure that out. I like many things. Yes, materialistic too. Oh! Common I am a woman, and I love dresses, that lovely liner, new matte finish lipstick. I’ll surely try to squeeze myself in a short dress and then blame my trainer for all wrong workout.
I am a woman, and I have full right to blame another person for my folly. I am blessed with this power.
Coming back to what I like.
Let me narrate the lifecycle of my likes.
I have always studied in all-girls school and then all-girls college. Somehow I managed to do my post graduation in a co-ed. Thank god, that’s where I met my boyfriend now my husband else I would have never explored my female sexual side.
In my school, I always liked army girls. I was in a convent school which was in a cantonment area, and we had a lot of girls from the army. I used to find it very royal when they came to school in that truck cum bus. That big huge truck, with stairs at the end, driver, and conductor in army uniform, Wow! I instantly disliked my father. I was always a specy girl and always wore huge, plastic frame glasses which used to cover almost half of my face. I never knew life without glasses. So, I liked the girls with big eyes. They had so much drama around their eye movements.
We had Miss.Braganza type of a teacher named as Mrs. D’Costa, oh man! I was in total awe of that lady. Her short skirts, matching lipstick, hairstyle, speaking English with attitude. Wow!
She used to check us; girls don’t’ walk like this, girls don’t talk like that. Wear your skirts four fingers above the knee. You need a bra ask your mom to get one for you. I liked girls who wore a bra when others were just blossoming.
I liked other girls
As I have grown up in a township and you can’t mess around if you are in this kind of a small setup. One naughty business and parents get to know within no-time. In government townships, everything is rank and caste based. Things might have changed now, but back then an official of a general category was respected more than an official with the much higher rank of a SC ST category. We had our own circle based on the unsaid rules. I chose to like girls who used to wear night suits. Why? Because I used to wear nighty. That long tent, which you keep pulling down even while sleeping because mom said, girls should be all covered. I still wonder how did I obey this?
I also liked girls who used to wear jeans/denim. Why ? because I never did. I got my first pair of jeans in my graduation. I used to love the way legs moved in that pair of my dream dress, the curve of the bottom ( covered mostly). I used to look up to girls who wore tight denim in public gatherings. They were real divas for me, and I used to flutter around them just to have a closer look.
I liked other girls.
Then came college. Well ! what new? Girls again. Ah ! I have seen it all there. Lesbians, girls having a crush on me, someone madly in love with me, flirting with only bald head sir (lucky chap, I must say), girls claiming to my elder sister or mother or some platonic connect or just you, and I types to assure the connect. By this time I was like that child who demanded one ice cream when his /her parents were in a bad mood, and they offered a cup of ice cream with multiple scoops. Same was with me. Just too many scoops in my cup, I inevitably burst. I turned a rebellion. The tomboy in me was now up in full swing. But, what I did? Remember I am still at an all-girls college. With so many girls around a tomboy will stand out, and it did. I didn’t like any girl now and not even the boys. Well ! Poor me, where were the boys?

I didn’t like girls.
Finally, during my post graduation, I had boys in my class. I went to the college with a thought that I’ll see all types of superbikes, macho boys, those punches, boys looking at me and I’ll be like that pond’s girl who would enter the class, and everyone turns their head towards me. I even bought the best smelling Ponds talc and Liril soap. I should not miss any fragrance to allure others .
But , what a crash ! Nothing happened. Just nothing.
Why ? I was still a tomboy. Laughing loudly, riding a geared bike, wearing shoes always even with salwar kameez, very short hair. No upper lip or threading done.
I envied girls who wore terrific dresses, had a long mane, had their lips colored with beautiful pink, had shapely eyebrows, nail paints.
Again, I liked other girls.
After the placement, it was a culture shock for me. From a small town to Mumbai. It happened too fast. I was amazed at the pace of this city. Confident girls, moving out even when it was dark, how they snapped at autowalas, managed their way in the train, wore jeans (my dream pair of legs) with a short top (at times cleavage showing too- cheeky isn’t it ) It was overwhelming. I loved every girl in this city.
I liked other girls.
I finally got married to a guy hence was able to prove my fertility and had two kids. Now, I was overweight, sagged skin, unshaped better to say shapeless body, what was once north found the way southwards.
I loved women who got down of the car in their best looks, smelling good, hair in place, clothes ironed, lovely sandals, designer bag dangling on one arm and a mobile phone in the other.The maid was carrying the child and the baby bag behind. How much I dreamt of walking like that with a high head.
I liked other girls.
God I feel is too smart. He might have heard my mumblings and offered me an all-boys family even my dog. Fooling him is silly. My focus shifted to all-boys stuff. Geared motorbikes to geared cycles, all rough and risk-taking activities. I now focus on my biceps than my lipstick shade. I am cool if I have not waxed myself and I have to wear a short or sleeveless dress. I give a damn to “log kya kahenge” (what will people say ). I aim to get super toned abs for my birthday (my mom doesn’t like this ! )I am comfortable in my skin. Those beautiful girls, wearing stilettoes and walking like stilt walker don’t attract me anymore. I love looking at myself and blow a kiss in the mirror. Too-much-self, if you may call. Then please do, who cares.

What I want will take a while to answer but what I like? I like me.
I like myself. Period.

girls

Dear Zindagi , you are truly Dear

Dear Zindagi released last week and when I am on rest and no early morning workouts then I leave no opportunity to miss the latest Bollywood flicks.

The movie talked about mental health and it was an attempt well made. The girl (Alia Bhatt) stayed away from her parents and she felt rejected and lonely. She kept switching her boyfriends because she didn’t find herself safe with anyone. She had the fear of being left alone.

In short ,she had a disturbed and insecure childhood, and confused youth.

In both the cases she needed an outlet. She wanted some to just listen to her without being judgmental,  someone to just hold her and say ,”everything will be fine” , someone to assure that she will pull through , someone who would love her unconditionally , someone who would accept her the way she is and not demanding change .

Just person to fulfill all these “wants”? Isn’t it too much to ask?

We all need that someone in our life. Younger children will seek parents, girlfriend will seek boyfriend, spouse will seek each other, older couple will seek their children and the cycle continues.

But what if the person you are seeking doesn’t live up to your expectation?  Now, you’ll say relationships don’t demand expectations. Really! Cross your heart and say that you don’t expect? Well, we all do and if there is no expectation there no relationship. It is more like living alone.

Yes, living ALONE. This is highest level of peace and serenity with oneself. Once this we attain this here will no heart breaks , no relationship woes , no blood pressure issues because of unsuccessful relationship , no depression , no sinking feeling , what you’ll have is joy and happiness .

tumblr_od9ft8lhog1ug25ako1_500

But how ?
It is no rocket science or no life coach’s statements or any astrological prediction.

One day in the gym my fellow workout partner’s t-shirt read, “Consumed by Obsession , Motivated by Passion” .I read it again, gave her a high-five and moved on towards my workout . My instructor then told me that when that female first started her routine at the gym she was over 100 kgs and it is her sincere dedication that she is now fit and healthy. So, what made her so dedicated? It was her stubbornness to lose weight and her passion to make herself fit and SHE DID IT. She found her outlet.

b3c2a0d47cc3040653bf00329faf15f5

The strongest word here is Passion. You need to submerge yourself so much in your passion that it becomes your motivation. There would be times when you urge for someone but the other person is unable to understand your need. We all have our own share of stress , work , start-up success or failure , children , spouse anything but then what do you do? Sit and cry? Why?  You need to have a driving force within you, that pulls you out from every critical situation and says “Common, just move on”. Wear your running shoes or hop on to the saddle or let the body move with music and let that stress move out of your body as you sweat . Allow it to find a way .

12976278_1591621944461163_1951357670_n

Listen carefully!

I strongly believe, “What drives you will drive you”. In a certain situation if  negative thoughts drive me then I am driven by negativity. But if I can over come those emotions and divert my mind towards positive belief and constructive thoughts then I will be driven by positivity.

It is important for us parents to make our children also realize their liking. May be a sport , music , art , books or just anything . Parents know the energy of their children very well and channeling it in proper direction is important. Liking may change as the years progress but by then they will know that there is a positive outlet and it is their liking which will then take the shape of their passion.

images

You are the universe, accept it

Many people around me often tell but actually complaint that how can I plan my weekend on a Monday morning. Well, the answer is simple, I get up each day to look forward for my weekend be it cycling, running or hiking with my boys. That’s my push every morning. If we don’t aim then we just drift and possibly get washed ashore.too Things may or may not happen as planned but just the thought of what lies ahead is enough to pump energy in me.

I always tell me boys to get up each morning with the broadest smile ,look into the mirror and say, “I will be better than  yesterday and my best today ”

It’s just one beautiful life, why waste cribbing, expecting, crying and living with negativity.

Live as if it is your last day , dance as if no one is watching , laugh loud as if you are not bothered about anyone , love as you want to be loved , give the way you want to receive , sink your thoughts in your passion , pray as if the world is coming to an end above all Live the life the way you want to !

Exactly, live for yourself,live to the fullest

Drive through the joys of life !

After my not so great meeting  I called for Uber.

As I settled myself in the cab and after my usual greeting to the driver (which I always do) he almost jumped off his seat with joy after knowing my destination. Surprised on such behavior I asked him the reason, he told me his car always gets a customer from there. I could see him smiling from the rear view mirror. That smile had something attractive.
He then started talking about the type of customers he gets during the day and few episodes too. It was easy to make out that he wanted to talk and so did I. After the stressful meeting I wanted to talk to someone absolutely unknown and non-judgemental. He had stories from all walks of life. We talked about how cab system has changed life of many and how it is easy and comfortable for  customers .He then took me through the entire process of registration, getting into the system, training given, ethics at work etc . I almost felt like a part of Uber cab service system.

But, our conversation is something to share. Let me put in his own words.

“Madam, it’s so much fun riding the cab. I get to meet varieties of people.  Few are big corporate hunks, few are stinking rich business man, sometimes sadhu (god-man) , at times very disturbing customers . It is wonderful to talk and learn from them. “

“I start at 6 am and finish my last ride by 11pm. Few customers who go long distance offer me food which I gladly accept. We finish the ride as friends. I love this work and I am truly enjoying it. I am a part of Uber service for past two years”

“I was working as a private driver but my boss shifted to America. Before leaving he gave me a lakh of rupee which I invested wisely .Within six months I bought this car Chevrolet Enjoy with a down payment of one lakh and rest on loan. I heard from driver friends that a new cab service will be launched and we can make a lot of money. I registered my car and started driving. It was not easy back then. The map was not in place and the app had issues. We had to wait for long and at times the drive got cancelled. But nothing comes easy in life. I waited with the hope that things will fall in place. And madam they did “

“It is not an easy job. There is a lot of hard work but when I see the result my will to work hard gets stronger. I  got a car for my wife and she is now a part of this service for past seven months. In fact there are many women who are driving Uber cabs. We assure them that in case of emergency they should contact us immediately . We support them a lot. We have also advised them not take any ride after 7 pm “

“I have three children and I shifted them from Marathi medium to English medium now. I also bought 3 BHK house in Vasai. We have a laptop at home and my children can map my car. I used to go to local shops to buy stuff, I now go to Dmart . The other day I took my children to Bandra and we had Domino’s pizza. My children were making fun of me as I was unable to use fork and knife. I was happy for my children as they were learning new age nuances”

The car finally stopped at my destination and I moved out smiling with a thought,

happiness , joy and satisfaction is everywhere , just need to look around.

Happy in his own Chevrolet Enjoy

Enjoy – Winning will come later

On a typical hot and humid Sunday I entered home post noon after a long ride tanned, dirty face, tired with a parched throat.. I removed my helmet which was dripping with sweat, kept it on the table and rested myself on the sofa. With a deep exhalation I said, “Damn, I could have ridden faster and longer today but it was too humid”. My words disappeared in the air as all other members were busy with their Sunday chores. I was too tired to take their observation into account so decided to head for a wash.

On some other day, I entered my house after my run and checked on my sports recording app for my distance and time. I was unhappy and murmured, “what is wrong with me, why can’t I run fast?”

I reacted in similar way after my swimming or stair climb but I thought my words went unnoticed, really?

It was on Sid’s sports day when I realized that my each word was taken into account.

After the prize distribution he came running to us with more than 3 medals dangling around his neck and his face beaming with joy. Surely, it was an elated moment for all of us. He said in all glee, “, Mom, I am the fastest in the entire junior section and no one is even closer to me “. I patted his back and was surely proud of his achievement.

Sid with his hard earned medals

But then the things changed a little. He wanted to race anywhere, anytime and with anyone. Why? To prove and show that he is fastest of all even the younger sibling suffered several times because he was slower. He was not even happy when he stood third in cross-country race among more than 70 students .Sid asked me one day to record his run on Strava (sports app which records your sports activity) .So, the Strava bug was setting in.
After my rides or run he checked upon my distance and speed. He was also curious to know if I was fast in the group and who was the fastest (he knows some of the fastest riders in the group) .This was alarming .I could see fierce competition.

I was at fault.

Unknowingly I introduced this culprit. My activities  are purely my passion. It is my outlet to anxiety, stress and depression but this was not conveyed properly and I could see my son getting into unhealthy competition.

So, how did I correct it?

Talk about enjoyment first , winning may or may not happen – it is just fine !

After my rides I talk about the fun we had , chit-chat, weather, road condition, what we had for breakfast, some funny instances. Also, focusing on how the group rides together and not to race. I focus my discussion  more on the love for ride than any Strava jargon.

One of our group rides

I run alone so after my run I come home with a satisfied smile and then talk about my sprint for a short distance and slow run for longer distance.  Also, discussing long distance running tactics with my boys and asking for their comments.

In the end it is neither the speed nor the distance that will matter but consistency will.

Parents feel elated by the accomplishments of their ward and look forward for medals too.  It is good to get recognized for the efforts but it is equally important to be happy and satisfied without medals dangling around the neck.

We have a medal stand at home and I love that corner of my house. It shows my effort , my participation, my pain , my strength , my hard work and my will to do more . My each medal has a story and a memory to it.

img_20160904_230733.jpg

Our medals: We have a story and memory attached to each one

It is extremely important to get into a state of bliss when you enjoy any sport than comparing, creating records for recognition, proving oneself better than other and feeling low for not being at par with the group. My accomplishment, effort, handwork and dedication are for myself and not to prove to anyone else.

Joy, during my Rajasthan exploration on my cycle

Children give learning of life and my son did too. I shall continue to pursue my passion towards adventure in full fervor but for myself and not for any competition. I would love to get recognized by own inner belief that will scream to me,” DISHA, I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT “and I’ll give MY complete dedication to make it with a smile on my face.

“My boy, love , live , explore and come out as winner in life”