Let me be ME

Archive for the ‘Chidlren’ Category

You are responsible for my poor grades , mom !

While I was in Europe for work last month both my sons had their exams. I was tensed and it was easily visible in all my actions. While the younger-one is sincere and sat with me to study before the exams but the elder one, who is in his pre-teens refused to agree on the need to study prior to the exams. I tried to explain but he wouldn’t budge from his argument. His logic being, “mom, you only say that you are not after grades then why are you pestering me to study?” well, it is wiser to stop the argument once you know that you have pre-teen on the other side.

I tried to put things in place like craft work needed at school, any projects  done, doctors list on the fridge, menu well explained to cook for all meals, emergency numbers of stationary –wala, grocery store etc. Mothers who travel can very well relate here.

Two days before the travel my younger son fell sick. Being asthmatic he had terrible wheezing attack. The sight of Abhi struggling to breathe was enough to make me panic . We saw the doctor and tried to put things in place. By this time, he had already missed his three exams. Elder one did not take this too well as to why he was supposed to go the school and appear for exams? There was no logic and explanation  given for this and like a very stern mother I ordered – You have to so you have to. There are times when you have to put your foot down on some absurdly irrational arguments.

My flight was at  10.30 pm and even at 6 pm I hadn’t even removed the suitcase from the loft. My mother-in –law was getting hyper and questioned continuously if I had made up my mind or not.I was in a very indecisive state. I never wanted to leave my –although- now- stable -son behind and I couldn’t say “no” to my team as well. I was too overwhelmed by the entire scene around me .

Finally, I sat with Abhi and asked him if I could go, if he would be fine, if he was ok with mamma not being around?

His reply was, “mamma although I want you around but I am much better now and dadu, dida (grandparents), aunty(maid) will be home so I’ll be taken care of . Also , doctor has asked not to go to the school until I am totally fine so, I think you can go”

I thanked my boy for this but knew the bottom line  – Doctor has asked not to go the school until I am fine.

Finally , the eldest boy ,Som my husband told that I could carry on and things are manageable .That confidence was enough for me .

At 7.45 pm I removed the suitcase from the loft , dumped the things in and I was at the airport at 9.30pm

Travel went on fine with lots of video calls , desperate calls , solve-my-fight calls , big brother-is-hitting me calls .

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Then came the day when the doctor allowed Abhi to go to the school and earth came shattering down because it was Hindi test . I got some 10 calls (irrespective of the time difference) that Hindi exam is the toughest thing on the planet and I am responsible for making it worse . With lot of tears and sobs we somehow managed to revise Hindi over video call . Thankyou Vodafone international roaming for the perfect network which I never get in my domestic travels . Phew !! we managed Hindi, although Abhi wasn’t too happy as he is a very meticulous student and wouldn’t take any shortcuts towards learning .

Now , came another bummer . My elder son called up.He doesn’t talk much , because he only speaks through his WWE moves . Anyway after lot of persuasion he didn’t speak much but tears rolled down . I kept asking him but he refused to tell . Well, we mothers have extraordinary sixth sense and I knew the issue . I didn’t tell him anything but told him to be strong and will talk once back . He has crossed the stage of baby talks but as men never grow up and same applies to my 43 yr. , 12 yr. and 8 yr. old boys .All of them need cajoling and sweet mamma talks at times .

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I was home after 10 days . After a customary hug , boys directly jumped to the bag of gifts, which I discounted because I was home like that student who has not fished the homework of the strictest teacher and wondering how to face the situation .

Due to jet lag I slept almost the day and finally when I met them at dinner I had some very heart breaking disclosures :

Abhi ,

“You went leaving me behind even when I asked you not to go”

Me (silently ) my dear boy , you only asked me go and told me that you are better.

“You left me to study Hindi alone”

My (mouth shut) , Yes , I know . You never studied Hindi with me before the exam.

“You are responsible for my poor marks in Hindi”

Sid as ever , refrained from speaking anything . I then used my motherly magic and sweet talked him only to listen , “it is because of you I flunked in geography ”

I took all this with a pinch of salt and felling terribly guilty.

I was anyway swaying due to jet lag and with all the blame game on my head I thought a wonderful red wine will ease out the stress . As if my children read my mind and there they sputtered , “mom, you are on diet and you are into sports, you can’t have wine”

I just grinned as shutting mouth at this moment was very wise .

I was constantly reminded for next few days that I am ONLY person who did not do the duty of teaching , revising and persuading them to study for exams . I am the ONLY person who was responsible for their poor grades .

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It took me around two to three days to come out of my jet lag and flu state .

I got up that morning with a fresh smile , packed them off to school , went for my strenuous gym session , attended not so important calls and mails , heard my mother over a call on parenting and significance of mother in a child’s life .

Once done , I was ready to welcome my children from school. I felt like a wounded soldier who has to give his last shot before succumbing to his bullets .

Over the lunch “I am the only person responsible” issue again came up .

Now , it was my turn . I was pondering over what all my children said over last few days . Cried silently in the pillow , ran faster in the eve , did more crunches , lifted heavier weights to burn it out . But this should be communicated to them – Clear and stern .

I asked my boys to listen to me attentively without cutting me in between .

Here is my speech ,

My dear boys , first I am sorry as I was unable to fulfil your expectation . I am sorry that because of me you got poor marks . I am sorry that I left when you wanted me .

But , tell me something

Did you listen to me when I said that it is always better to study before the exams and not wait till the last moment ?

Did you revise and complete your lessons on time ?

Did you even think that as you have the job to study and go to school, your mother has a job too?

You had so many people around you to take care when you were unwell , who was with me when I was down with flu during my travel ?

Your ONLY work was to study for your test , while my work was to attend all your desperate calls , mange with the cook , follow up on your WhatsApp group as you would not even know what do in the school next day , revise the lessons with you over video call , mange my work and team .

It is very easy to blame your mother for your failure but did you even try to put in  best effort ?

I would like to make it very clear , that your mother has a job which she loves the way she loves you both . My work will make me travel but that doesn’t mean I am irresponsible . My work and commitments will increase over the coming years and we all have to accept it . Blaming me for your poor performance  is not accepted . I am deeply hurt by your words . I thought I have two very sensible, intelligent and cooperative boys but you proved me wrong . I would expect more understanding when I travel next even during your exams . Let’s work it out together boys .

Phew!!!! I said all this in one go. Perks of being a national rank holder in debates and elocutions you see .

There was a silence for few minutes . we looked into each other’s eyes for a while and with a deep breath my younger one said , “but mamma , you can’t travel when our exams are on”

I smiled slyly because I knew whatever I narrated above will be reaped again.  I’ll keep on giving this speech until they get it crystal clear.

If you are 21th century kid and then I am also 21th century mom, bring it on!

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“You want mamma to slap you?”

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“Do you want mamma to slap you? Do you?”

Another round of silent yet loud enough  sobs.

I could hear the hard thud, the shouting and the sobs again kind of making a repeat sequence .

This is almost every day routine that I hear before going to bed.

I stay in Mumbai and no matter how big or small the houses are, our one bedroom window will overlook the living room of the other flat. So, only way to stay within our privacy is to keep the curtains drawn .

Curtains are the barrier in viewing but not listening.

Every night before retiring for the day when I enter  my bathroom for the last round of brushing I hear this on n off . It  lasts  for few minutes for maybe more but I never had the courage to hear it for long .Other day the shouting and sob cycle went for a little longer . I stood there in the bathroom  frozen as if there was flashback going in front of me on the huge mirror in my bathroom .

I was 26 when I delivered my elder son. Too overwhelmed by first time motherhood I tried to do and get  the best for him. Right from imported diapers to a particular bottle feeder, softest clothes, cutest shoes and what not. But something was not right . I was constantly dissatisfied, angry , screaming , panicking , OCD , all my expressions and emotions were on the extreme side .

Sid was two and a half years old when he started his playschool in Gurgaon. It was a very child friendly school. I was happy but I think after a while teacher’s weren’t’. I had constant complaints that Sid was pushing , hitting , screaming and fighting with other children .I tried every possible way to explain him but things were not going fine . I was clueless.

It was about time to move from Gurgaon to Bangalore where my younger one was born .I was 29 then.

Things didn’t change much or  I was so occupied with two kids that  I didn’t pay much heed towards my thought process . Husband had erratic working hours and he had a guest appearance in the house . I was in a zombie state throughout. But, something was still not right.

Well, again it was time to move from Bangalore to Mumbai . We moved to a high-rise on 14th floor and we had a huge common balcony running across all rooms. Sid and Abhi were around 6 and 2 years by then.

One fine evening I was standing in the balcony with Abhi in my lap and Sid sitting and playing with his toys.An instant thought occurred to jump from the fourteenth floor with my boys. Shiver ran down my spine and there was a complete blackout. I have no memory of what happened next but what  I remember is ,that I was  sitting in my living room with Sid and Abhi clinging to me. I didn’t jump! Since, then I have developed extreme fear of heights. 

My situation was alarming.

Things were not fine. No, they weren’t at all. I was concealing my issue under the excuse of being over occupied.

I was under huge depression. I now knew it well .

But, why depression? Who to talk ,share or discuss?

Husband? Poor thing, he was clueless himself. Long working hours and then children taking all the time where was the scope to sit and explain. But I remember I kept on telling him that something is wrong with me. He used to come home complaining that either my car was unlocked or the window is left open or the door key is left outside. I had no answer.

I had to take charge of myself but how?

I started reading on my symptoms and relating each reaction to a particular episode. Very soon that I knew I was going through huge postpartum depression .

Suddenly, there was a knock at my door. It was my younger one asking me to come out of the bathroom.

I knew exactly what was going on in that house.I wonder no mother can harm her child until n unless she herself is under some problem .

A woman goes through lot of hormonal changes during pregnancy and post-delivery. Hormones could be monstrous or blessing. Mines were monsters. postpartum depression is not well-known; less talked, misunderstood and many times goes unattended.

I vented out my entire depression on a soft target – my son. What a horrible mother I have been? My poor baby bore the burnt and I had no idea for my uncalled behaviour.

Well, things were to go fine now. I started taking care of myself very well. I would not be ashamed if I say, I became selfish.

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Few troubleshooting strategies I adopted, sharing them here:

  • I listened to my body and mind , no one knows you better than yourself
  • I had MY time. Extract time for yourself – JUST YOU. Things will work as they are even if you are not around. You cannot make everyone happy every time, after all you not chocolate fudge!
  • I started loving myself. Love your body. Work hard on it, sweat it off, let it get dirty, pamper it. Put that liner, kajal and go out for a run. Wear the brightest red lipstick and go out in dirt. Give a damn shit to “others ”
  • Children will grow and move on, what will you do then? Get involved in anything of your choice that may or may not give you gainful employment but will keep you mentally engaged.
  • Talk and talk it out don’t keep the negative thoughts or feeling to yourself.
  • Everything can’t be perfect and why to even aim there ,be there where the fun is ? Be easy in life , in household , with children and spouse
  • If the last bite of your favourite dessert is left , ask you children to share with all the family members.Why do you have to be Mother India and sacrifice your bite?
  • Laugh the loudest ,gladly flaunt that cleavage , wear what you wish to without taking body shape into consideration , just be YOU

Depression has nothing to do with being mentally unstable but it’s more to do with emotional instability. Get a companion or better be your own companion.I strictly follow flight instructions for myself – “Before saving others wear your oxygen mask first”

It’s just one life we get, live it the fullest and the way YOU like it.

Dear Zindagi , you are truly Dear

Dear Zindagi released last week and when I am on rest and no early morning workouts then I leave no opportunity to miss the latest Bollywood flicks.

The movie talked about mental health and it was an attempt well made. The girl (Alia Bhatt) stayed away from her parents and she felt rejected and lonely. She kept switching her boyfriends because she didn’t find herself safe with anyone. She had the fear of being left alone.

In short ,she had a disturbed and insecure childhood, and confused youth.

In both the cases she needed an outlet. She wanted some to just listen to her without being judgmental,  someone to just hold her and say ,”everything will be fine” , someone to assure that she will pull through , someone who would love her unconditionally , someone who would accept her the way she is and not demanding change .

Just person to fulfill all these “wants”? Isn’t it too much to ask?

We all need that someone in our life. Younger children will seek parents, girlfriend will seek boyfriend, spouse will seek each other, older couple will seek their children and the cycle continues.

But what if the person you are seeking doesn’t live up to your expectation?  Now, you’ll say relationships don’t demand expectations. Really! Cross your heart and say that you don’t expect? Well, we all do and if there is no expectation there no relationship. It is more like living alone.

Yes, living ALONE. This is highest level of peace and serenity with oneself. Once this we attain this here will no heart breaks , no relationship woes , no blood pressure issues because of unsuccessful relationship , no depression , no sinking feeling , what you’ll have is joy and happiness .

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But how ?
It is no rocket science or no life coach’s statements or any astrological prediction.

One day in the gym my fellow workout partner’s t-shirt read, “Consumed by Obsession , Motivated by Passion” .I read it again, gave her a high-five and moved on towards my workout . My instructor then told me that when that female first started her routine at the gym she was over 100 kgs and it is her sincere dedication that she is now fit and healthy. So, what made her so dedicated? It was her stubbornness to lose weight and her passion to make herself fit and SHE DID IT. She found her outlet.

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The strongest word here is Passion. You need to submerge yourself so much in your passion that it becomes your motivation. There would be times when you urge for someone but the other person is unable to understand your need. We all have our own share of stress , work , start-up success or failure , children , spouse anything but then what do you do? Sit and cry? Why?  You need to have a driving force within you, that pulls you out from every critical situation and says “Common, just move on”. Wear your running shoes or hop on to the saddle or let the body move with music and let that stress move out of your body as you sweat . Allow it to find a way .

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Listen carefully!

I strongly believe, “What drives you will drive you”. In a certain situation if  negative thoughts drive me then I am driven by negativity. But if I can over come those emotions and divert my mind towards positive belief and constructive thoughts then I will be driven by positivity.

It is important for us parents to make our children also realize their liking. May be a sport , music , art , books or just anything . Parents know the energy of their children very well and channeling it in proper direction is important. Liking may change as the years progress but by then they will know that there is a positive outlet and it is their liking which will then take the shape of their passion.

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You are the universe, accept it

Many people around me often tell but actually complaint that how can I plan my weekend on a Monday morning. Well, the answer is simple, I get up each day to look forward for my weekend be it cycling, running or hiking with my boys. That’s my push every morning. If we don’t aim then we just drift and possibly get washed ashore.too Things may or may not happen as planned but just the thought of what lies ahead is enough to pump energy in me.

I always tell me boys to get up each morning with the broadest smile ,look into the mirror and say, “I will be better than  yesterday and my best today ”

It’s just one beautiful life, why waste cribbing, expecting, crying and living with negativity.

Live as if it is your last day , dance as if no one is watching , laugh loud as if you are not bothered about anyone , love as you want to be loved , give the way you want to receive , sink your thoughts in your passion , pray as if the world is coming to an end above all Live the life the way you want to !

Exactly, live for yourself,live to the fullest

Enjoy – Winning will come later

On a typical hot and humid Sunday I entered home post noon after a long ride tanned, dirty face, tired with a parched throat.. I removed my helmet which was dripping with sweat, kept it on the table and rested myself on the sofa. With a deep exhalation I said, “Damn, I could have ridden faster and longer today but it was too humid”. My words disappeared in the air as all other members were busy with their Sunday chores. I was too tired to take their observation into account so decided to head for a wash.

On some other day, I entered my house after my run and checked on my sports recording app for my distance and time. I was unhappy and murmured, “what is wrong with me, why can’t I run fast?”

I reacted in similar way after my swimming or stair climb but I thought my words went unnoticed, really?

It was on Sid’s sports day when I realized that my each word was taken into account.

After the prize distribution he came running to us with more than 3 medals dangling around his neck and his face beaming with joy. Surely, it was an elated moment for all of us. He said in all glee, “, Mom, I am the fastest in the entire junior section and no one is even closer to me “. I patted his back and was surely proud of his achievement.

Sid with his hard earned medals

But then the things changed a little. He wanted to race anywhere, anytime and with anyone. Why? To prove and show that he is fastest of all even the younger sibling suffered several times because he was slower. He was not even happy when he stood third in cross-country race among more than 70 students .Sid asked me one day to record his run on Strava (sports app which records your sports activity) .So, the Strava bug was setting in.
After my rides or run he checked upon my distance and speed. He was also curious to know if I was fast in the group and who was the fastest (he knows some of the fastest riders in the group) .This was alarming .I could see fierce competition.

I was at fault.

Unknowingly I introduced this culprit. My activities  are purely my passion. It is my outlet to anxiety, stress and depression but this was not conveyed properly and I could see my son getting into unhealthy competition.

So, how did I correct it?

Talk about enjoyment first , winning may or may not happen – it is just fine !

After my rides I talk about the fun we had , chit-chat, weather, road condition, what we had for breakfast, some funny instances. Also, focusing on how the group rides together and not to race. I focus my discussion  more on the love for ride than any Strava jargon.

One of our group rides

I run alone so after my run I come home with a satisfied smile and then talk about my sprint for a short distance and slow run for longer distance.  Also, discussing long distance running tactics with my boys and asking for their comments.

In the end it is neither the speed nor the distance that will matter but consistency will.

Parents feel elated by the accomplishments of their ward and look forward for medals too.  It is good to get recognized for the efforts but it is equally important to be happy and satisfied without medals dangling around the neck.

We have a medal stand at home and I love that corner of my house. It shows my effort , my participation, my pain , my strength , my hard work and my will to do more . My each medal has a story and a memory to it.

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Our medals: We have a story and memory attached to each one

It is extremely important to get into a state of bliss when you enjoy any sport than comparing, creating records for recognition, proving oneself better than other and feeling low for not being at par with the group. My accomplishment, effort, handwork and dedication are for myself and not to prove to anyone else.

Joy, during my Rajasthan exploration on my cycle

Children give learning of life and my son did too. I shall continue to pursue my passion towards adventure in full fervor but for myself and not for any competition. I would love to get recognized by own inner belief that will scream to me,” DISHA, I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT “and I’ll give MY complete dedication to make it with a smile on my face.

“My boy, love , live , explore and come out as winner in life”

I don’t want to live in this country,Mom!

Episode 1

“Mom, don’t people in other countries drive cars?”

Yes, of course they do, Abhi

Then when we go outside India, why all the cars follow traffic rules, no one honks and parks their cars anywhere on the road?

Well, hmmmm…. There are rules to follow

We don’t have rules here in India?

Yes, we do but people don’t follow

What if people break traffic rules there?

They are punished and the driving license is taken over which means they have to appear in the court, pay fine and then get their license back

And here?

We have same rules here, but people are not scared of the system.

That’s why mom I don’t want to live in this country. A country which is filled with dirt, people throw garbage anywhere, honk so much and such chaotic traffic.

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(P.C. thedailynewnation.com)

Episode 2

Mom, what is happening in Kashmir?

Pakistan says they want Kashmir but India says they won’t give

I don’t understand this. But why are they killing people?  Can’t they just talk?

That’s what people don’t understand Abhi, that killing is not the solution.

Why small children are hurt, they don’t even understand what is the problem same like me.

Yes, Abhi it is sad to see this.

I don’t want to stay in this country where big people hurt little children without any reason.

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Episode 3

Why girls can’t go alone at night mom?

It is unsafe to go out at night, Abhi

Just for girls?

Not only girls but even for boys.

But why?

It’s dark at night and unsafe too. Someone can harm you or just take you away

But why?

Few people have dirty minds and all they know is to harm others and take advantage when other person is all alone.

But then what does the police do?

Police do patrol at night but crime does happen.

We don’t have help line like America?

Hmmm… we do but it’s uncertain (I never wanted to put all good picture of our system)

That’s why I don’t want to stay in this country mom.

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Episode 4

Why can’t boys get married to each other? Why do I see only girl and boy getting married?

They can.

But then will they have children?

No, they can’t produce children but they can surely adopt

I haven’t seen anyone like this around.

You’ll not find them in India much as compared to other countries

But why?

Hmmm… we are not so culturally evolved (it was difficult to explain at that moment so left with a heavy word)

When we can’t live the way we want then why do I stay in this country mom?

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Children of this generation do not believe in stories of fantasy world but are much realistic in their thought process. These are few episodes where my 7-year-old had very observant queries and I was left thinking that where am I or my country going wrong?

I still get Goosebumps when I hear, “aae mere vatan ke logon” and my eyes go wet but do our children feel the same? They dress up as Nehru ji or Gandhi ji for fancy dress but do they feel the character? Does tri-colour hold any significance for them, or it is just a mandate to wear for school function? My seven-year old is growing with a thought to leave his country and I feel helpless.

We are talking about start-up India , economic portfolio , MDG(Millennium Development Goals) , SDG (Sustainable Development Goals), Women empowerment , Beti bachao Beti Padao , Swach bharat and don’t know how many campaigns but what image and impression we have created as a nation. Our newspaper have negative headlines, news channels will talk and flash stories of crime more than anything else.

I don’t know of any other child but it’s sad to see that my son is growing up with a negative image for his country. I tried my best to talk positive and good things by telling stories of freedom fighters , sacrifice of our soldiers on the border ,  our beautiful nature Himalayas but I know the bottom line is – Mom , I don’t want to live in this country . Sigh!

I still love my country and I owe to my nation big time. For my freedom , for my expression , for choosing my rights and being what I want to be . As a citizen I will try my best to put the best picture forward but as a mother I would respect my son’s thoughts .I will check them too but will allow him to choose what he thinks is best.

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JAI HIND JAI BHARAT

 

Summer Break- Let it be FREE

“Children need the freedom and time to play. Play is not a luxury. Play is a necessity.” -Kay Redfield Jamison

“Mom can we play 30 minutes more?” pleaded my 10 and 6 year old boys. My instant reply was a loud and clear “NO”, which even altered the security guards. The other two boys playing grabbed their cricket bat and pedaled away as fast as they could.  I asked the boys what was the time and they meekly agreed that they were late for lunch. Like any other mother I was in my best hyper mode. Walking fast ahead of them and mumbling until we reached the elevator. My younger one moved fast and stood in front of me, with hands on his waist and kind of blocking my way. He gave me a stern look exactly the way I gave them few minutes back. In an assertive tone he said,, “Mom, it’s OUR summer break and we can use OUR time whichever way we want. It’s fun to play cricket in the sun!”

Exactly, it is HIS summer break and he can use HIS time whichever way he wants. I panicked because it was noon with blazing sun and the boys were playing unperturbed by the heat. I noticed that there were very few children playing in the sun.

Another observation I made when I went for my run in the evening was ,only teams of boys playing gully cricket. As compared to Mumbai norms thankfully my housing complex has larger play area and various teams defined their pitch to play mini IPL there. I tried looking for girls but couldn’t figure out any. Going ahead there was a bunch of girls of few teenagers and few going to be teens. They were busy chatting, clicking selfies or seeing videos on mobile phones. This is a common site in the era of mobile-phones-taken-away-play-time.

The next morning again my boys picked up their cricket bats, tucked my pet along and went off to play. When I went to pick them up I was surprised to see comparatively more children than the day before in the park. I was happy and surprised too. My happiness didn’t last long as I saw vanity vans and it took me no time to understand that there was a shoot happening in the complex. These children were sitting diligently in the scorching heat waiting for the “CUT” .It pained me.
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(Vanity Vans in the complex )

Summer break is a time where children explore freely. They should explore the nature, find new friends, discover interesting games , get into the world of reading or create painting master pieces by making their hands dirty . Children should learn things on their own either by creating a mess in the kitchen, or battling out with sibling. We have failed to structure our life but are keen to give a proper frame to a child’s brain in HIS/HER free time.

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Summer camp information starts flowing in much before the school is ready to shut for the academic session.  It is good that children learn something new and get inclined towards progressive learning, which these camps offer. But it is equally important to have unstructured playtime for children. Let them find their own team, have their own little quarrel over lost ball, face the victory and defeat together. Let them learn with messy hands , let them be untidy, non-systematic, lazy but  Let them be. You can’t cushion them forever.

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Let them be

Summer break is for all irrespective of gender so make your girls rough. Not just mentally but physically too. Let them face harsh sun. Encourage them to play with boys. There is much more than dolls and indoor games. There is life outside selfie, pouts and Instagram let them know this.

It is their time with no school routine , no time-table , no alarms, no rush for school bus but let them enjoy this MY  TIME. Trust me they’ll be a happier lot once the school reopens and just think don’t we all need OUR time? So do our children .

 

 

I will take selfie with “My Boys”

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Here is my selfie with my boys . Yes, you read it right “My Boys”.
I am very proud to be a mother of two boys and I cherish every second I spend with them.
When I hold their hand and walk with one on either side , in a way to grab so that they don’t run on a busy street I feel immense sense of pride . Not that I am an unique one to have two boys but that my boys are my identity .
By now you might be thinking that I have some attitude or a swelled chest to have “two boys”
So , let me make it very clear . I craved for a girl child during both my pregnancies but I think it was decided  that a hyper energy soul like me should be blessed with boys so that the energies are complimented .
I have no clue how to be with girls or even bring them up. I have always been in a boys family and even now the distribution remains the same.
Mr. Narendra Modi has taken up an amazing initiative to support the girl child .

#BetiBachaoBetiPadao , kudos to you sir but tell me something what about the boys??

Do you think boys don’t need education , boys need not be protected , boys don’t need a better environment to live in?
The damage is already done. Children have someway or the other known the difference between genders. Thanks to advertisements promoting color preference , brands and clothing.
By promoting this campaign you are creating a marked difference between the genders. Few observations below will make it clear.

1. Boys are strong , girls are delicate

Yes, my son’s class teacher told him. Being on the naughtier side his action speaks louder than words (read WWF – World Wrestling Federation). Girls tease him for wearing spectacles and the only way he knows is to punch back.
The teacher then tells him this statement .
Now, he is confused . He has never seen a delicate female in his own house but a  mom who learns kickboxing .
My explanations fall flat on explaining the teacher’s statement .

2. Sexual exploitation

Most of the videos that talk about child sexual abuse revolve around the girl child. The pictures , charts and discussions all revolve around girls.Do you know that out of 10 boys almost 8  have gone through sexual exploitation. They may not even know what is happening or happened with them but it hampers their growth and behavior.
If there is a need to sensitize child sexual abuse then child also includes boys.

3. It’s not so cool to cry

What you cry like a girl always ? Are you a little baby ?
Boys find it very difficult to let their emotions roll on their cheeks. As they grow it actually takes a lot of persuasion to get them into confidence and make them understand that it’s ok to cry .
If my boy gets bold  during his cricket match he surely gets sad but tries hard to hold his tears back. It is only when he hugs me at home and then the downpour happens. He tells me that crying in front of friends is too girlie.

4. Being bullied

Threat from social media to the innocent yet growing brains is huge.
Girls , face the threat of image and name being exploited but do you know boys too are affected by this .
They get bullied , commented , threatened and even exploited on the social media. The damage then may or may not be directly physical but imagine the confidence and innocence that gets shattered .

5.Girls don’t like sun

My son’s cricket coaching doesn’t have a single girl on the field. Even football has the same state .
My son runs like a bullet and he laughs when a girl tries to run fast. This actually irritates me a lot but his explanation is that girls will run only 50 mts not long distance as they never come out in the sun to play.
No one taught him this but it’s his own observation. I do try my best not to make him think this way but rest his own inference.

I still have many more pointers which I want to mention but may be in other blog.

Being a mother of two boys I can see and observe many things very closely .
Why do we need to discriminate between a girl and a boy ?
What is the need to run such campaigns which only widen the gap between the genders?
Let a girl and a boy grow up in the same way.
If a boy hits a girl out of his aggression at play or otherwise , girl should be taught to hit back harder and not to make her feel that she delicate with a fragile body.
Every child has a right to grow, get educated , have a safe environment for development and live happily.
Be it a girl or a boy.
Yes, I’ll take selfie with my boys too.
#BetiBachaoBetiPadao toh #BetaBachaoBetaPadao